A $5 Thanksgiving Meal That Will Make You Gobble

PHOTO BY MADISON INGRAM.

BY MADISON INGRAM
ASSISTANT EDITOR

College kids are broke. Now that the elephant in the room has been addressed, we can move on to more important things.

April Fools’ Day from the Archives: A Look at Past Pranks, Hoaxes and Satire

BY JIM MALVEN
ASSISTANT EDITOR 

The Columns digs into campus newspaper archives to see how April Fools’ Day customs and news coverage changed over the last century and a half.

A Eulogy to the Canada Goose – Left and Gone for Good

A Skein of Geese by Truman Lake. PHOTO BY DARLINE DESIL.

The Canada geese, which had invaded the campus have left, flying north, or south, or whichever direction they go when the weather gets warm and delightful. In the words of T.S. Eliot: “April is the cruelest month.” Truly we shall mourn the absence of our feathered friends and their excessive amount of green poop left on the hill.

Procrastinating in the Library

Photo credits: Joe Duffy, Jacob Holtgraewe, Fatima Jafari, Emma Kliethermes, Stephen Zenishek

Why do people get distracted while they are studying? For some people, procrastination is an art form. These are some typical procrastination strategies used by Westminster students.

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BY MIKE RAMIREZ

Westminster College English department bets big bucks on future Nobel Prize winner

BY TIM ALDRED

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Disclaimer: The following report is complete fiction. It represents the musings of The Columns’ Editor-In-Chief on the inner life of the English Department.

In anticipation of the announcement of the 2014 Nobel Prize for Literature, members of the Westminster College English Department have lain down massive bets predicting who the Swedish Academy will name this as this year’s laureate.